Being Bisexual

I am bisexual, but I did not really come out “properly,” I told my husband a handful of friends about my sexuality, and I occasionally retweet things that imply my sexuality, but I have not come out and said “hi I’m bisexual” for everyone to read, or hear. I never really came out because I did not think it was necessary. 

At the time I came to terms with my sexuality, I was a year into my relationship with my now-husband. I did not want to deal with explaining to every person that just because I am in a straight relationship, it does not mean that I am or that it is possible to be bi without ever having been with someone of the same sex. I also do not want to get asked about threesomes all the time. I know that just because I get asked question, it does not mean that I have to answer them. I do not owe anyone an explanation. However, the fact that they might be asked makes me uncomfortable.

In a way, I knew that I was attracted to girls as a child. Back then I thought it was more like “she’s so pretty I want to be like her” and I now realize that they were my crushes. Granted, they were all celebrities, and all the little crushes I had that I knew in real life were boys. I had no clue being bisexual was a thing, I only knew gay and lesbian. I remember, on several occasions thinking, but I can’t like girls if I like boys.

In sixth grade, a lot of girls in my grade came out as bi or lesbian; they made it seem like a trend. At this point, I had a crush on a boy, so I again, told myself that I could not be bi. Also, the fact that they made it look cool and trendy, which I was not, made me shy away even more from the concept. Even in high school, when my attraction to women was definite, I tried to suppress those emotions. It wasn’t until I was seventeen that I knew I was bisexual, but I still kept thinking: well, what if I’m not. At the time, a friend of mine was also struggling with her sexuality. I was there as her support, but I was unable to tell what I was going through. We were both confused. Later that year, I finally accepted who I was. But I still didn’t tell anyone for a few months. At eighteen, the first person I came out to was my husband.  Keeping it all inside was harsh on me, and I could not handle it, so it was more of an “I think I’m bi, but I’m not sure.” The next person I told was my first best friend, about seven months after. After that, it took a few more months to come out to my sister, and then I came out to a few more friends, ever so casually. I honestly do not see a reason to come out to my family. Unless I somehow end up dating a woman, and the chances of that happening are very slim to none.

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